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Wee liberties: Beauty and The Beast: A Horny Love Story at Charing Cross Theatre

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It may not be a tale as old as time, but it’s still the same old story, almost, with Beauty and the Beast: A Horny Love Story currently playing at the Charing Cross Theatre .  As the title suggests, this is not family holiday entertainment, but neither is it all gay gore. And a surprisingly large number of clever gags, a gorgeous-looking production, costumes, and an ensemble make for a classy night out with the occasional lashing of sluttiness.  It’s been a while since I have seen an adults-only panto. Like many things at the theatre—ticket prices, opening nights, age of social media influencers—things have changed. Happily, things have changed for the better here. The show focuses on assembling an excellent cast. Elaborate costumes by Robert Draper and David Shields’ set pieces help give this adult panto a touch of class. There are the usual lewd jokes and a quick flash of buttocks.   The setting of the story is in the northernmost village of Scotland, Lickmanochers. Not...

Film: Physique er Casino Royale


Casino Royale, originally uploaded by peter-noster.

Tuesday night I managed to catch Casino Royale at the Odeon at Leicester Square. It is a big cinema with a big screen and every inch of screen counts with this Bond outing. There are explosions, there are chases, there is a fantastic free-running stunt and there are those swimming trunks. You need a big screen to take all of that in...

I have to say I was very impressed with this Bond flick. Sure the script had some pretty bad dialogue at times and the direction wasn't always slick, but as a package it all hung together very well. It helps with Daniel Craig in the lead as someone who can act and fight too. This film has set him up very nicely to set Bond in a new direction (if that's what the punters end up wanting).

I have never read any of the Ian Flemming novels and I understand that the film version is fairly faithful to the book as it explains how Bond gets his double-o status. It is what is referred to as a "reboot" of a franchise. Well after all the special effects overkill of Die Another Day it was good to get back to some great stunts and great set pieces.

Ultimately Casino Royale surely has to be remembered primarily as a series of fighting and action scenes held together by lingering shots of Daniel Craig's muscular physique. This physique was on show naked, partially naked, or wearing those swimming trunks throughout the film. Actually even when he was clothed you could still tell which side he dressed, but I lost count the number of times his shirt was ripped off to reveal his ripped torso... Then there was the testicle torture scene (don't ask) which showed off his very well-developed hamstrings and glutes (among other body parts)... And then there were the beach scenes which showed off his lats, his pectorals and well you get the picture... The Bond girls couldn't compete with this physical perfection. They were flat-chested without tone and had to wear bizarre gowns that looked inspired by some sixties futurist/modernist movement.

And as for those James Bond swimming trunks, apparently only Selfridges in London sell the £55 Grigio Perla trunks Craig wears (twice) in the film and reportedly are close to selling out of them as WAGS snap them up. Pity that it is too cold to be wearing them here... Perhaps next summer every beach will have a few James Bond wannabes on them... Here's hoping by then they will have the body to match. It is definitely a Bond for our times... The time when the metrosexual gym bunny reigns supreme... I can't wait to see what they do next time... But lets hope it isn't "Pumping Iron 3: the Bond Flick"...

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