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Waiting for Sandy: Milked @WhiteBearTheatre

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Two lads looking for meaning and lots of time on their hands are at the heart of Milked. Simon Longman's play first premiered in 2013. While it may not capture the latest malaises and anxieties affecting post-pandemic youth, it has enough of a familiar ring to it for anyone who has eavesdropped on the thoughts and musings of young people when out and about. And with some lively performances by the two young men, you feel drawn into their bizarre little world as the conversation runs from the routine to the ridiculous. It's currently having a short run at the White Bear Theatre in Kennington.  The premise is that Paul (Iwan Bond) is searching for a job that becomes increasingly desperate. He wants to find a job in media (whatever that is) but has neither the skills nor the experience to do it. And being based in Herefordshire rather than London makes it a stretch to be considered for anything. His mate, Snowy (Evan L. Barker), seems to be on a journey of self-discovery. His fat...

Bit parts: Garry Starr Performs Everything @swkplay

Garry Starr Performs Everything Production Photo

Garry Starr Performs Everything is a bare-bones (and bare buttocks) tribute to the theatre. Theatre may be in trouble, and audiences are down, but Garry Starr aims to save the theatre and bring back to the masses every style of theatre possible. As long as each style involves wearing a transparent white leotard or a skimpy thong. And tassels. It's part comedy, part physical comedy and part perv at Gary's physical prowess. The sentiment "if you've got it, flaunt it" applies here. So here we are with a show that has been around for some years and is having its first proper London run at the Southwark Playhouse (Borough) through Christmas.

The premise is that Garry Starr (played by Damien Warren-Smith) has left the Royal Shakespeare Company over artistic differences. He is now on a mission to save the theatre from misrepresentation and worthy interpretations by doing things such as a two-minute Hamlet, recreating scenes from a Pinter play using unsuspecting audience members, or recreating tragedy using somewhat familiar lyrics to songs by Britney. 

Garry Starr Performs Everthing production photo

As Garry performs everything, there is plenty of scope for audience participation. He asks almost every audience member if they're familiar with the Japanese style of theatre called Noh with a "Do you know Noh?". Being from Melbourne with a reasonably solid Australian accent, it becomes a masterclass in flattening vowels and creating syllables where none exist.   Then, a romantic comedy is re-enacted by sharing a plate of spaghetti with a volunteer until the lips meet. It is not a show for the shy unless you strategically place yourself away from aisles or rows he could easily access. 

However, amongst the nude ballet and bare-faced cheekiness, there is a playful and silly approach to the theatre and some inspired comic set pieces that are hard to resist. There is also a tiny moment of introspection that gives us a glimpse of how Garry got here. But only after we've seen his penis. And that's something you can't unsee. 

Directed by Cal McCrystal, Garry Starr Performs Everything is at the Southwark Playhouse Borough venue until 23 December. 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Photos by Wil Hamilton-Coates and Jeromaia Detto

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